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1. The isolated one
2. The autobiography
3. The conversations
4. The chained links
5. The reminisced
The world, the flesh, the devil
The isolated one
Name: Danver
Age: 19
Starsign: Leo
Loves
Solitude
Jazz and rock
Tennis
Chess
Billards
Black
Hates
White
Backstabbers
Hypocrites
Immature brats
Wishlist
People to enjoy happiness
A new computer
Attain a higher maturity level
Discipline
A fitter body
Friday, July 13, 2007
Well i have officially isolated myself from my closest friends...i have no idea whether i suffer more when i am hanging around them or when i am alone..probably the same i guess..i'm not saying this is some kind of achievement...i wanna see how far i can go being self reliant..plus i wanna improve myself a whole lot before uni starts 2 years later...
The thought of driving is really bugging me..like how my army buddies and ppl like mathan already have their driver's licence or having good progress for their driving course..it makes me feel sooooo inferior coz i havent even passed my final theory test...yes my ego acting up once again..but i have this bugging voice in my mind saying how pathetic i am compared to them coz i am like a beginner when it comes to driving...gosh i am like self destructing.
I have read dozens of articles regarding perfectionism and egoism..how destructive they are to the body soul and mind...the suggested solutions sound reasonable but are hard to apply in everyday life..especially in the army. I guess i am just being emotional once again..this sucks.
Priya said something today..she said that she has really tried her best and currently she is exhaused about life...she even apologised to me coz she felt she sounded kinda selfish...but i am the selfish one...i refuse to let my friends help me out...i am just scared of offending them..but now i think i have already distanced myself from them quite a lot...at this rate i will lose all my friends..maybe i already have...
It seems that even when i am in army camps and interacting with my army buddies...my character is about the same as before i entered NS...maybe slightly more matured coz i realised that the world isnt as innocent as one would perceive...but my ego is inflating as time passes by...maybe i should get more buddhist books to get rid of such mindset....
Friends...true friends are really hard to come by...especially in Singapore's system...would it hurt me not to have any friends and just treat everyone as acquintances? Sounds pretty lonesome...i wonder if i could share my problems with my best friend..i wonder if it would be awkward..i wonder whether it would help..
Urgh my life is totally __________ . Dunno what word to fill in...transformers and harry potter are out but i am probably not watching them..no company anyway...
For the sake of others' happiness..i shall lay down mine..
InD!gO plunged into darkness 8:40 AM
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