Sunday, November 26, 2006
Well As are over. Sure celebrations are super fun and enjoyable and all that..meeting up with my TK gang and slacking like nobody's business is the thing i have been looking forward to during the course of A level examinations. It is great meeting up with old friends and reminisce about the past, enjoy the present and anticipate the future. It's strange that even though the end of As is here..somehow i dont feel that exhilarated about this whole experience of all play and no work. Not that i feel guilty or anything..its just that there are a lot of things on my mind right now..
Firstly, the end of the third chapter. I feel that the whole experience of JC is ending too fast. I still want to have lessons with my classmates. I still want to see my AC friends everyday and insinuate eric about his darling. I still want to have meaningless crushes and flirt with girls. I still want to prepare for a second fun-o-rama. There are so many things i wish i can continue doing but time does not permit. It's time to move on to the next chapter of my life..which is either NS or university depending on my results. JC was a bittersweet experience. Chapel and excessive persuasion to attend church sessions and class cells are things i wouldnt miss. I just wish certain christians would respect other ppl's religions more. I wont miss arrogant posers and suck ups which are plentiful in AC. But i am going to miss so many more things that i may never have another chance to experience them in the future. It's just so fast. I am worried about my results. For the past 12 years of my education in Singapore, i wasnt satisfied with my results. Perhaps my expectations are too high. Counsellors, parents, relatives, friends and teachers have been telling me to lower my expectations and accept everything in due course..otherwise i would end up living a very miserable life. But i just cant seem to silence my inner voice. My ego overpowers me..its my character and because i am the only child in the family, i am obligated to succeed in life. I am putting pressure on myself even though everyone else around me doesnt do that..i am so stupid for doing that but its like a condition reflex. I gotta change for the better.
Secondly, NS is coming. The start of the 4th chapter in my life is coming soon. I dunno what to expect. No one can tell me exactly what i am going to experience in tekong. More importantly, i am worried about being bullied by the other guys because i am physically weak. Consolation is that i am in Pes C and i would probably have a slack life in NS. But i wanna learn a lot in NS. Learn more about self discipline, anger management, tolerance, respect, trust and other life skills. All these would make me become a better and more matured man.
Thirdly, her. I feel kinda silly having a crush on her during the period between the end of prelims and the start of As. But i just cant help it..coz we became much better friends during the course of self study break. We met up in school quite a lot to consult teachers and we became study partners. We formed a study group and became much more comfortable being around with each other. It was a very awesome experience. Studying with fun is so heartening and i wish the experience would never end. Her smile brightens up my day and most of the time, her actions amuse me. She is optimistic whereas i am pessimistic..and i need her to show me the other side of the coin. We helped each other out in various ways..not just studies..and honestly speaking i needed her to comfort me when i was sad...We poked fun at each other a lot.. plus i like the way she pouts..When As was ending..i was kinda sad coz i realised that it meant that it would be the last few chances i get to see her..Prom would be the last time. Blame myself for being such a coward coz i dun even dare to ask her out for coffee or a movie.. i dont even know whether i should confess.. She is most probably studying overseas...i am going to miss her smile..the times we poked fun at each other..her lame jokes..her laughter..everything..and i am in dilemma..
Lastly, problems with my old friends. I wonder if there is such thing as everlasting friends..probably not..but what we can do is try our best to sustain the friendships. Instead of pointing fingers and blaming one another, we ought to at least put in some effort to resolve conflicts in a peaceful manner..hoping for a more favourable outcome of happily ever after. Like the saying goes..it is difficult to form a bond but easy to break a bond. Relationships are fragile..thus we should be considerate in our actions and speech. I wouldnt want to break off from being friends over some stupid conflict that can be easily resolved..its just not worth it..if we think about the times when we had fun and put in so much effort to establish the closeness in the frienship..wont it be a pity if the bond is just broken just like that? But due to certain circumstances, ppl do change. Differences would arise and this would cause further conflict. The only thing constant in the world is change. How ironic. In order to achieve equilibrium, ppl are consistently shifting to attempt to attain it. It's either compromise and accomodation, or the termination of the frienship..that's harsh reality.
I have been reading up on buddhist teachings and scriptures. The content is intriguing and enlightening. Somehow i feel more matured after reading such books. But it takes time for my actions to show the slightest improvements in maturity..working on it though.
Things i wanna do before entering NS.
- Get the Xbox games from my US auntie and play to my heart's content.
- Meet up with old friends.
- Prepare for prom.
- Play tennis and badminton.
- Train in the gym.
- Learn origami.
- Learn cooking.
- Pick up basic theory for driving.
- Rock the house with GD.
- Sleepovers.
- Pubbing and clubbing.
- Do charitable activities for the salvation army or the red cross.
- Hang out at the beach.
- Go to vivo city.
- Movie marathon.
- Christmas celebrations.
- Confess to her. ( if i have the courage )
- Visit nostalgic places..namely balestier and ubi.
Loads more.
Awesome depressing song by nickelback. Title is Far Away. Totally describes my love life. Pathetic...
Anyway super long post ends now. Will update about my As experience in detail some other time. Till then..cyaZ.
InD!gO plunged into darkness 11:47 PM
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