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welcome
Definitely worth visiting. Enjoy.
Click the images below to navigate.
1. The isolated one
2. The autobiography
3. The conversations
4. The chained links
5. The reminisced
The world, the flesh, the devil
The isolated one
Name: Danver
Age: 19
Starsign: Leo
Loves
Solitude
Jazz and rock
Tennis
Chess
Billards
Black
Hates
White
Backstabbers
Hypocrites
Immature brats
Wishlist
People to enjoy happiness
A new computer
Attain a higher maturity level
Discipline
A fitter body
Friday, March 10, 2006
Lets kick off the day with a GP exam. Sucks. Actually, the GP exam wasnt that tough..managed to finish my AQ question and it is rather well done if i dare say. Quite confident in achieving better grades in GP. If i dun..i seriously have to put in more effort..less my mom will start getting hysterical and everyone around me in school would start getting on my nerves too.
Argued with my mom over my rights of going out with female friends. I dont see the big deal in hanging out with female friends..She is afraid that my sex hormones would go out of control and things would happen. Even though her imagination is wild, she also criticised my friends and that is like a total insult flying straight at my face. Whats her freaking problem man...she has no idea how irritating it is to always having to ask her for permission before i hang out with female friends..she would want to know everything about my female friend and if she doesnt like the company..she would absolutely refuse all contact with the friend. How unreasonable and immature is that..Whats ironic is that my GP comprehension today is about teenagers and how the gap between teenagers and adulthood is bridging coz children are maturing faster than adults..how true. Fuck! My mood is totally ruined thx to her and i am ranting in my blog coz i was contemplating whether to go to NUS open house or not and now i have no mood to think about the event. Zijian was also bugging me since who knows when about the open house and i am freaking pissed with him. I still remember the time when he said i was trying to force him by persuading him to buy fun-o-rama tickets..i wasnt even forcing him and he was getting all touchy and sensitive..and now he is doing the same thing to me but 5 times worse..bloody hell irritating and he definitely doesnt practise what he preaches.
That put aside..played 4 hours of badminton with eric xueming and china ppl we dont know. Really had fun sweating continuously for 4 hours and drinking gallons of water. Even did situps..must be crazy..guess all these comes from my motivation to train..ever since that failure...argghhhhh.
Ok 2 failures in relationships...kinda heartwrenching but in a way its a blessing in disguise. Now i have a mind equivalent to a polished mirror..i often self reflect and find ways to improve myself instead of judging others and claiming that i am so called superior. I dare say i am more matured in my thinking now..and i would be able to resist temptations caused by my stupid sex hormones...i feel so pathetic. So helpless. I can help others but i can never help myself. Why is that so? Issit some inevitable phenomenon that happens to danver teo only...or some damnation from God..i wouldnt know. All i ever do is envy others and never regard myself as a person who has strengths. I possess no strengths. I dun respect myself. I dun trust myself. And here i am trying to tell ppl to believe in their abilities and trust themselves...not practising what i preach now..crap.
More importantly, i have found my purpose in life. I have succumbed to harsh reality that i am a helper and never a receiver. My purpose is to help others whenever they need help..and not expect anything in return...I feel that i should even help the ones whom i dislike..since i am already condemned as a helper. This is not about getting sympathy friendships..its not about believing in God...its not about trying to get ppl to acknowledge my existence...its not about trying to gain something out of helping ppl...its not about trying to act hero..its about being compassionate and helping ppl for the sake of their happiness. Its about self sacrifice..sacrificing my happiness for the sake of others..i am not entitled to enjoy true happiness..so y not try to make ppl around me happy..at least one other party would be in joy..
But i feel used. Yes i feel used. But it cant be helped..it is a fact that i am being used by ppl and taken for granted. Who do they think i am? Some idiot who can act as some slave to them? I just cant help but feel used. Let me ask u this..wont u feel used in my situation? Friends asking u for help only when they need it...and not bother about u when they do not need ur help. Damn.
Depressing post huh. Exams are coming too. March hols is a time to study..how stupid is that..singapore is pathetic..Damn.
InD!gO plunged into darkness 6:33 AM
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