Ambassador of darkness, drowning in a pool of misery

Monday, April 16, 2007

Seems that i got shortlisted for MOE Scholarship interview and Medicine interview...sounds scary but worst come to worst i just sign up for the bachelor of science course and become a regular teacher...i shall let fate decide.

Had a prep talk with my relatives regarding medicine and life yesterday..rather inspiring and has definitely struck a chord in me. More importantly, i have learnt so much more talking to them. Really appreciate the effort of everyone trying to change me for the better.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 2:16 AM

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Friday, April 13, 2007

Ayer Rajah OETI has been awesome so far. The past few weeks at the ayer rajah camp is really tiring but enjoyable at the same time. I love my platoon..so much better than the tekong platoon..i can get along with everyone and we are one united platoon striving to obtain the best platoon title in ATW. I love my instructors coz they are funny and super knowledgeable but they need NIE training man..haha presentation skills can be improved..but nevertheless they are real cool and slack..not like those strict commanders who will bully the recruits and privates. 6 instructors, of which 4 are indians, 1 is malay and 1 is chinese. Ayanari, Mohan, Vihjay, Vincent, Ishak and Troy..awesome leaders. Plus the stuff that i am learning is super interesting..the hard part is just staying awake during lessons and not the course itself..haha..

Feeling more detached from my TK gang and current friends due to army. Mathan jingyang and kenneth have left for tekong to begin their BMT experience. Brian is in SISPEC and can only book out on saturday morning...same goes for zijian at armoured unit at kranji camp..pity both of them..the twins are busy preparing for their As and Dehong is busy preparing for his final year in SP. Andreas is busy preparing for his media course at TP. Anan is currently in the middle of this tekong course and he is in ninja..good luck to him..Nallu is in ammo supply at Bukit Timah...he is going to supply ammo for 2 years...plus reservist..interesting..

Since everyone is busy with their own stuff..its kinda hard to meet up. Plus with my current situation and mood swings, i have a feeling that i would lose contact with them soon..kinda like the time we phased linhao out...just that this time i am phasing myself out instead of making the effort to keep in contact. Priya is busy working 7 days a week too. I really want to take this 2 years to improve myself...so that after the period of isolation, people will notice the big difference in me..how much i have grown and matured hopefully..

There was an option for overseas attachment..but minimum period was 9 months. So i rejected the experience..i would miss my family, my friends and singapore. But even when i am here in singapore, there are so many times where i feel like going overseas to isolate myself. Anyway the decision has been made..i shall just leave it to fate. If fate decrees then i shall get another chance to go overseas..

MOE scholarship interview on 20th april friday...i dunno what to hope for or what to anticipate. To me, it doesnt matter whether i get the scholarship or not...what i want to achieve is the realisation of my dream..which is to go to under-privileged countries to educate/heal ( maybe both ) the people. I have come to realised that i do not belong in Singapore. Migrating seem to be a cowardly choice in comparison to trying to make an effort to adapt to Singapore's stressful surrouding..even my mum told me that i may find other countries worse than Singapore...but who knows..i can always give it a try..and if other countries can provide a better standard of living for me..then i am lucky and i will settle there...

Deep down i am still pessimistic and egoistic at the same time. Weird combination but thats what i am. I have a short fuse and i simply refuse to share my thoughts with others. I would probably open up to my wife but she is the only one. I am a perfectionist. I am paranoid. I have a greed for power. I get jealous easily. These are the few of many flaws that i have and yet to rectify. I am trying my best but its hard to change into a whole new person completely different from the danver ppl use to know. I dunno. Maybe this is my character...see how it goes.

I find this song really sentimental and cool.

[Melodies of Life]

Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain,
Melodies of life. Love's lost refrain

Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told
Let them ring out loud till they unfold
In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name

A voice from the past, joining yours and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony
And so it goes, on and on.
Melodies of Life,
to the sky beyond the flying birds, forever and beyond

So far and away, see the bird as it flies by
Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky
I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings

In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me
Was it fate that brought us closer and now leaves me behind
A voice from the past, joining yours and mine.
Adding up the layers of harmony
And so it goes, on and on
Melodies of life,
To the sky beyond the flying bird, forever and on

If I should leave this lonely world behind,
Your voice will still remember our melody
Now I know we'll carry on
Melodies of Life, come circle round and grow deep in our hearts
as long as we remember

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Wandered about without a destination
I searched on and on without a support
The memories that you gave me became a healing song to my heart

No promises were made then
No exchange of words are fixed too
Those days when we embraced and affirmed
Shall never return again

The picture of you waving hands in my memories
I can still hear you calling out my name

These tears that overflow shall become shining courage
Life will go onPassing through the night
Continuing towards a doubtless tomorrow
Towards the sky where the soaring birds are

Various memories I shall probably leave
Those fruitless hopes and dreams
I shall forget them somewhere where I can't reach

Can a chanced meeting be called "by chance"
When the time that two must part will definitely come?

Even if it is a fate to fade
As long as you liveLife will go on
Forever As long as that strength remains

Wherever it may beEven if I shall die
As long as you liveLife will go on
Forever As long as that strength remains
Goes on wherever it may be

InD!gO plunged into darkness 5:16 AM

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