Ambassador of darkness, drowning in a pool of misery

Friday, April 28, 2006

Loads to say. Too much to say but i just simply dun have the freaking time and energy to type in my blog ever so often. Life is such a bore..without the company of friends it would be so much worse.

[ Wednesday ]
Short day as usual but no CCA again! Stupid track and field meet replaced cca. Rain caused it to delay and end even later. Lucky i had the company of Eric Weiqiang Xueming Sailesh Brian Arvin Joel and Mathan was somewhere in TCT house so he wasnt really around us. We had fun suanning each other and jacking each other as usual. Played chinese chess with marvin for a while. Refilled my bottle 3 times with free milo ! 500ml each round...haha and everyone was shocked that i took so much..now my bottle smells of milo...when the day finally ended with the school anthem, i punched eric in the stomach during the singing part and he slapped my back super hard..even though it wasnt painful and it was just for fun, the piak sound was like freaking loud and everyone around us turned to look at us..and we were so scared that mdm tham was behind us but in the end it was sailesh...hahaha

[Thursday]
Skipped mass PE because i can abuse my PMC anytime i dun feel like doing PE. More importantly, today is the day that marks the end of my SPAs forever! No more bio and chem spa !!!! And chem spa was sooo freaking easy...due to certain reasons. Badminton was as tough as usual but super fun. Eric wasnt around coz he was having a bad cold..ass...but got to meet new friends such as han fei and evy. Yup so we can look forward to playing badminton in the future.

[Friday]
Longest day ever...Chem and bio lectures with mathan and gang as usual. Chem with borris as the teacher was great. He can really teach and i understand everything he teaches. Econs supp was grilled by mrs yap even though i did what she wanted..typed out essay with research and everything..lacking diagrams was her key attention..stupid..but nvm i take her comments seriously in working towards improving my bloody econs. Math supp was spent doing tys with tovya..math lecture was boring. GP lessons even more boring! Cant believe i survived...PE was boring too...stupid Vo2 test dunno what crap and turned out that i am the second worst guy in that test..i am fit but my body has all sorts of abnormalities thanks to the genes inherited by my parents...they have not given me anything good when i was born...freak!

After school was the fun part. Had dinner with eric mathan and weiqiang while waiting for dreamship surprise to start. We laughed a lot at jokes and suanning each other. We even visited a toilet which was kinda eerie near the viewing gallery and i shouted at a dark corrider coz i was scared mathan would try to pull sth on me...hahaha but heck. Movie started without subtitles! Technical difficulties were solved in a while and the movie rocked. Spoof of star wars and star trek was damn funny with gay captains and his gay crew...pink stuff and sex jokes...fun filled laughter for everyone. Laughed till my abs hurt...

More tests next week. Labour day is here. School outing is on sunday. Meeting priya and gang tmr for group study at TJC. TJC ics nite tmr. I need sleep.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 7:18 AM

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Monday, April 24, 2006

[23rd april 2006]
I shaved my moustache for the first time in my life. I have become a real man! Haha sounds stupid..may not a big deal to you readers out there but it is a big deal to me. So this special date represents my first shave. Yayness! Oh and i dreamt the answer to the binomial question priya asked me on 22nd april which i couldnt answer. Freaky huh.

[24th april 2006]
So glad that math and econs tests are over. Think i screwed up my econs a bit..stupid mistake..ah well but maths was really good. Hope i have recovered from my fall during the term exams and really hope i can get an A otherwise i can go suffer another bout of depression and contemplate suicide...haha jkjk as if i would commit suicide over such things..i am not that loser. But honestly i hope i can get good grades for maths and econs. Tmr may be judgment day coz ms pang marks really fast.

Heard from Mathan and Eric that their chem teacher is gonna resign...thats kinda sad..and they are desperately hoping the new teacher isnt gonna be ms baljeet kaur...hahaha.

Caught up with Dave Alexander today and had loads of laughs during Math S tutorial. Yan bo was like putting all the aircons at 16 degrees celsius when its raining outside...everyone was like freaking freezing...haha

Someone's birthday is approaching soon...

InD!gO plunged into darkness 5:28 AM

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Friday, April 21, 2006

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

Omg this horoscope thingy is so freaking accurate that it freaks me out. I feel that this description describes my character exactly. I am sure that my friends think so too. Freaky.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 5:16 AM

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[Wednesday]
One of the most fun days i have experienced in AC. Slack day coz there are very few lessons. Fun part comes when it was time for the leadership talk. Had lunch with the F math ppl and the bunch of us joined Mathan Eric and Xueming to wreck havoc in LT1. Sailesh was like suanning me throughout the whole day..talking about dogs and slaves..hahaha but it was super fun jacking each other and making each other laugh. Mathan Eric Xueming Sailesh Weiqiang Arvin Brian Joonkiat and myself sat in one group and even though some parts of the lecture was boring..we certainly had fun jacking each other and chatting about anything under the sun. Sailesh was the cheerleader for the hoola hoop game! Go SA1 ! Hahaha and there was another orientation like game when we needed to play a game like rock paper scissors and do some action when 2 ppl match. After the whole thing there was a group hug! Haha super fun. If only everyday can be like this..life would be perfect and just like MJ days..even better..

[Thursday]
Looooooooooooong day. Bathe in school for the first time and cold water plus cold aircon got me shivering throughout lessons..haha but it was cool and refreshing. Chem spa was so slack coz it was invigilated by mdm clare teo..haha we practically had a lot of hints and precautions before the exam..during the chem spa i realised i had to repeat a certain expt 5 times in half an hour. I was like panicking and frantically grabbing bottles of reagents and measuring and pouring and timing...etc etc. could tell tovya was kinda nervous too..she forgot to add starch solution and she spilt some chemical on her skirt...but i am sure she did quite ok for her spa. The top of my bunsen burner almost came out coz it was loose and i put on goggles even though i didnt have to...how stupid..haha but maybe i will get extra marks for extra safety..who knows...

We got back report cards after spa which was kinda depressing. No As this time around..ah well. Conduct was very good too..sucks. Gonna improve. Released early and i went to the NL to meet eric mathan and xueming for some gay action. Bend over! Hahaha. Got changed and badminton time.

Badminton was awesome as usual. It was a good sweat out and even though my arms and legs ache now..at least i got to lose some fats...haha and i saw linhao play badminton! Stephen still owes me a match. Joel is constantly picking up and he plays great now. He has regained his legendary form! Inclusive of special moves and super fast reflexes. As usual i am using my elbow strength instead of my wrist...tennis player playing badminton. Chatted with Eric and Xueming before going home.

[Friday]
Unexpectedly, it was kinda slack today even though it was a long day. Lectures were ok but boring as usual. Spent econs supp in a fan operated classroom with pamela and lidan and did math instead of econs..haha i sure do miss those fan operated classrooms..been a while since i have last been in one..too much aircon..rheumatism..haha. Spent math supp hiding from ms pang coz i didnt wanna do anything during math lesson. GP was boring. PE was frisbee which turned out that i can play quite ok..haha.

Tests coming up. Hw piling up. Stress building up. But my motivation level will continue to increase. A lvls is going down!

InD!gO plunged into darkness 4:59 AM

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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

[Mae][Suspension]

Lately I'm alright
and lately I'm not scared
I've figured out,
that what you do to me
feels like I'm floating on air.

I don't need to know right now
all I know is I believe in the very thing that got us here
and now I can't leave.

Say anything, but say what you mean,
cause I'm caught in suspension.

Now, I'm wanting this for sure
and I'll beg for nothing more.
I'll plan all day and drive all night
you'll love what's in store.
I can't seem to stop this now
even if it's not so clear,
and I'll take what I can get.
If you want me here (If you want me here)

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

It's enough for me to get excited,
It's enough for me to feel...Oh!

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this.
Your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, please say what you mean)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.
We are gaining speed (suspension)
I can barely breathe (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I'm caught in suspension (suspension)
I'm caught in suspension.

Say (say) anything (suspension)
but say what you mean (Oh, I can barely breathe)
I'm caught in suspension

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Not Corrine May, not Mayday, its Mae. Mae is a christian band of 5 guys introduced to me by Victoria and Tovya today in the library. I may not be an avid follower of Jesus, but i have to admit that the band is something unlike the other christian bands that i have heard before. Especially like the song suspension coz the rhythm and guitars are kinda good. Unique style of guitaring. Their genre is indie. And their lyrics are rather emo. Haha but too bad their music isnt fast pacing..otherwise i would have liked the band even more..

Today was a super long day..Started the day off with maths tutorial. Seems that quite a lot of ppl are having problems with complex numbers...guess i am not the only one having such problems...haha but i am sure we can help each other out and it would work out eventually. Complex numbers is just another topic..just more complex..no pun intended. During chem i was like half listening to clare teo talking about biochem..fun part came during bio lecture when the teacher was wrapping up the lecture on nervous system. During the last part, she was talking about how drugs can affect the nerve impulses in the body and give the person a high feeling. Then mathan and eric were like cracking this joke about power rangers and its morphine time! And they start injecting morphine and they get all high and start going berserk by whacking up monsters. It kinda potrays a message to the kids..hahaha. Then we were talking about more spoofs relating the teletubbies going on crack and getting all high at their grassy area..haha.

Almost died during econs. No break after econs. It was a round of dissection of the lamb's heart. It was cool to manipulate the heart..poking rods through the vessels..pinching the fats surrounding the heart..using the scalpel and scissors to tear the muscles apart..examining the insides and joanna poured some chemicals onto it but nth was observed coz the chemical were too dilute..haha. I wanted to burn the heart after the expt but mdm tham was around...imagine what would happen if i pour a few drops of conc. acid onto it..fumes would form..haha..sadistic. Feeling and squeezing the heart was cool. After the expt, i tore the heart with my bare hands..how brutal..and my hands really reeked of some sour milk smell mixed with detergent smell.

Free period! My only free period from monday to friday is bio supp lesson! Did some econs with victoria in the canteen and realised that we can help each other out for econs MCQ..haha. Studied with victoria and tovya in the library. Raining cats and dogs and when econs period came...we had difficulties crossing over to the classroom due to lack of umbrellas...so a lot of ppl got wet and my pants were soaked.

During GP lesson..Ms Ho was talking about the incident of some cat being brutally killed and dissected and the body parts are shrewned all over school. Heard from victoria that it was the white cat that i use to see everytime i go to school in the morning at the back gate and the head of the cat was found at the goalpost. Kinda satanic and the person who did this seriously need psychiatric treatment. Tovya was kinda disgusted by this...and i felt kinda weird coz i use to see that white cat and now its gone.

Finally school is over. Tmr is a short day with chem test and leadership training dunno what crap programme..ah well. NiteZ.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 8:16 AM

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Friday, April 14, 2006

Good friday isnt that good afterall but at least i can catch a breather. Today is sunita's bdae and i wished her via sms..and she was glad that i remembered her birthday..of coz i remember..she is one of my good friends in TK..

Mathan and i had a serious talk on msn.. and i realised that there has been a major misunderstanding between us. It seemed that the reason he avoided and drifted away from me coz he felt a strong negative aura around me and felt that he should give me some space. All this while i thought i had pissed him off in some way and he has developed negative feelings towards me and decided to steer away from me..haha but at least the air between us is cleared and everything is back to normal. Cant blame mathan..indeed i had loads of negative feelings concentrated within me during the beginning of this year. Coz of a certain incident with someone..but that thing has been cleared up long ago..

And we debated about self reliance. I was pro and he was against. Actually i feel self reliance is quite impossible bcoz u tend to rely on ur friends once in a while. But i am trying to achieve self reliance bcoz i wanna prove to everyone else that i am worthy of sth. I wanna be acknowledged that i can be independent and strong. I dun wanna be the weakling i once was in TK. I have changed and i wanna improve my entire being continuously. Negative emotions do serve as a drive and motivates me to get things done. They can be good if they can be controlled. But if controls the person..the result would be zijian. So i would say i am on the verge of becoming a zj replica..which i never wanna be..even though i am going towards that direction..i can assure my friends i would never be like him. I am totally different from him.

What motivates Danver.
-------------------------
- Fast jamming music
- Hatred
- Agony
- The desire to be acknowledged by everyone
- The desire to become a much better person
- Friends
- Coffee
- Memories

Overwhelming motivation coupled with determination and perseverance will make me a better person. Whatever problems that surface...whatever fears i face...bring it ON.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 9:08 AM

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Thursday, April 13, 2006

My sex hormones really suck. I have been fighting against them to try and control my feelings and my actions. There are supposed to be part of my body..my ally..and yet they are acting like some pathogen ready to infect my body and cause me harm. Infatuations are really irritating. Its really embarrassing seeing myself falling head over heels for some girl just coz she is hot or cute or really friendly with me for a moment. It would take ages for this kind of crush to subside..but even after subsiding there is always a possibility for a relapse.

I really want to treat girls with respect and dignity. This may sound kinda dumb but thats what i really wanna do. As in all this while girls have been insulting guys and generalising the fact that guys are scum, dumb, immature and have no idea what a woman really wants. You cant blame the girls..i mean afterall how many guys have they met who matches what their ideal guy would be like..furthermore most of the guys they hang around with only think about sex and they act really immature. I would like to grow up into a man instead of being trapped in this immature world..if only my hormones would let me.

Honestly speaking, ever since i have entered the JC lifestyle..i really have to admit that i have become a more matured guy. ( Readers dont laugh..haha ) I dont laugh as much as i did during TK days ( except with mathan eric and xueming ). I dont do stupid things..i dont run away from my problems..i dont freak out as much..i have definitely learnt to not to think so highly of myself..My weaknesses are still around though..esp my super huge ego..ah well

Got Band 1 for PW! Thanked Ms lai for all her advice and pushing and her attitude towards me ( Coz i was the PW rep ). Really appreciate the help from my PW members and teachers and everyone else who helped me.

Good friday tmr. Plus sunita's bdae. Must remember to wish her. Cant believe i am gonna spend the long weekend at home doing hw..sucks.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 7:45 AM

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Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Woke up with a yawn, it's dawn and i'm still alive.
Turned on my radio to start a new day.
Let's get them DJ's chatting, have to survive.
amazing news got over on the airwaves.

Tonight, love is racing.
Tonight constellation.
Tonigh love is racing my way,
almost another day.

She's a shooting star, goodnight, goodnight.
She's a shooting star, goodbye...

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First and foremost i have made this blog a private one and i would like to say that its been a long time since i have last blogged. Been really busy. But who cares since no one would be able to read my blog anymore apart from myself. I got my first bible yesterday. It was 2 days of chapel coz it was religious emphasis week. The bible is cool but it kinda contradicts itself. It says that Jesus is the son of David but later says he is the son of Joseph. Asked tovya and she said son of Joseph..

Secondly, i have gotten second place in scrabble competition. I was quite worried coz i placed the word 'zen' and it was REJECTED ! OMG. How sick is that. Zen is rejected in scrabble even though it is a proper word with actual meanings...ah well i am still happy that i got second. Can add that to the CCA records.

Thirdly, i am gonna exceed my limits. CA was a disappointment indeed but i am not gonna let this setback stop me or demoralise me any longer. I am gonna work 3 times as hard as before and definitely not be an overconfident loser. Dropped bio S but Math S is still on. Life is gonna be tough. Its gonna be unfair. Its gonna be hellish..but no one said life is perfect.

On a lighter note, i have become better friends with my classmates. Obviously i cant really mix with them since i cant click with them. But i have made good friends like victoria tovya joanna pamela and lidan. I should be thankful that i even have the courage to approach them and start conversations with them... I'm growing up. Haha..i wish. But its really awesome having them for company. At least i have sth more to look forward to in school.

Good friday is coming soon! Tmr is a long day! Strive on danver. I know u can do it.

InD!gO plunged into darkness 3:18 AM

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