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The world, the flesh, the devil
The isolated one
Name: Danver
Age: 19
Starsign: Leo
Loves
Solitude
Jazz and rock
Tennis
Chess
Billards
Black
Hates
White
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Hypocrites
Immature brats
Wishlist
People to enjoy happiness
A new computer
Attain a higher maturity level
Discipline
A fitter body
Friday, October 14, 2005
[Purpose of my life]
Dont read this entry. Just blogging about my current thoughts and they are freaking boring..it will bore u to death.
A lot of people in the world have asked themselves this question..what is the purpose of living..the purpose of my existence..and up till now..we are unable to give ourselves an answer..
Some of us feel insignificant in life..living itself is pure torture. Demoralising isnt it..i mean u compare urself with others..others have better grades..they are excellent in their various ccas..taking S papers..have a gf/bf..really popular in sch..seems that their lives are just perfect..better than u in every aspect..of coz one would feel jealous..even depressed coz one is unable to comprehend..y issit that others can do it but i myself cant..we are all fellow humans after all..are they born geniuses? or am i born stupid? Most probably is the second option. Thinking about this situation one is in..hectic JC life..and yet one cannot be as successful as the rest..falling behind..nth goes smoothly anymore..life is a bitch..sometimes we wished that life is one big game..and when u are sick of ur current one..u can just hit the restart button to start a fresh new life..but thats not possible..
You will think..since i am not as good as the rest..y do i even bother trying so hard..no matter how hard i try..it just doesnt seem to go my way..the agony of living life amongst others who are so much more superior..life isnt fair..it just isnt..soon you will just be void of emotions..complaining about the slightest things..steer away from ur friends..cry urself to sleep..wishing that that night will be the last night and u will never wake up to see the sunrise in the next day..depression can really change a person huh..
Of coz some people would literally give up in life..they will not be motivated to do anything..and have suicidal thoughts everyday..but of coz we should stay strong..even though life is hard..even though life is unfair..i mean we question our own existence..no one has the answer for that..all we can do is live life to the fullest..and most importantly..believe in urself..coz its ur body..ur soul..no one is supposed to influence the way u think..u are supposed to make ur own rational decisions..others may be better..like 10 times better..but who cares..so long as u urself are happy..comparison will lead to negative emotions..it taps into ur dark side..and eventually u will succumb to these emotions and give up on life..
In the case of danver's life..i have questioned myself before...loads of unhappy moments throughout the year...mathan once told me i was being antisocial in my class..and i thought about it..it was true..and it still is..everyday i will be isolated all by myself during lesons..none of my classmates are true friends..and i do compare myself with others often..so i will be filled with unhappy thoughts..
Then i thought..maybe i do have the answer to the question..the purpose of my existence..is to help others and make others feel happy..at the expense of my own happiness...most of them may not appreciate my helpfulness..may even think i am being some hypocrite and snub me instead.. but i will still help them..i dont expect anything in return.
In my heart i will continue to search for a better meaning of life..it is painful to be alive..and i dunno what it means to be alive..i am despised by almost everyone..and all i can do is help them and try to appease them..but if anytime i am supposed to leave this world..and if my death would even let anyone feel even a little bit of meaning in life..then by all means u can take this useless life of mine.
Sounds depressing but i am not depressed..just jotting down some thoughts..niteZ.
InD!gO plunged into darkness 12:32 PM
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