Friday, September 16, 2005
[D]epression.
Over the past few months...i have been struggling with my life ever since i have been separated from my friends in TK and MJC... really really really miss the east...no point lamenting over it..just like what mathan would sae..but i just cant help it...i mean i know nth in the west..like some foreigner in Singapore...i feel like i have been treated as an outcast..mostly my fault coz i appear antisocial and sorts..unwilling to bond with the 1SD5 and have so few friends in AC...maybe to some ppl i appear dao even...sorry guys..just that its really difficult for me to make friends all over again..Reasons: 1) Most of my friends have gone to different JCs..and my best friends have gone overseas...so it really hurts just to see them off at the airport...and the pure agony of thinking about them and missing those TK days...now i am exposed to a totally different culture with different ppl..totally submerged in solitude...2) Have an agenda to fulfil..which is to be acknowledged by ppl around me..instead of being treated like some insignificant creature...3) Ppl in AC are really different from the east..reputation is important..everyone daoing one another..everyone has their own cliques already...
As a result..i will just have my shadow for company..my TK friends in AC have their own cliques except for me..just dun mix with the class..dunno y...i like the ppl..cant explain y i dun mix with them..probably hanging on to the past too much..but the thing is that now i just suffer loneliness everyday..going to sch is just to train myself..improve and upgrade..dun really have much fun coz i have no friends to have fun with...issit my imagination or are my classmates making fun of me being antisocial ? No one knows...
Not that anyone cares anyways..my parents are as good as divorced..friends are far away from me..so its just have to learn to be independent..treating this 2 year course as a training schedule to really improve my body mind and soul. Dun wanna be weak..dun wanna give in to anything...just wanna prove myself to the world..and exceed my own limits..but most importantly..dun wanna be alone. ( even though i think its quite impossible in AC..)
No one understands...
Going to the gym more frequently than ever...trying desperately to open up..really wanna help my classmates out..its just a matter of accepting my help...trying to study..about 2 more weeks to promos ? lol... argh wateva..
Sorry readers..for this long depressing entry..not like many ppl read anyway..niteZ
InD!gO plunged into darkness 1:26 AM
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